Hmm, less sure

I've had a lot of bravado since this happened. I knew I wanted, without a doubt, a double mastectomy with reconstruction to smaller breasts, with a nipple tattoo (no nipple reconstruction). I was pretty sure that I wanted implants, although the idea of having a tummy tuck and using the "waste" to make new boobs was enticing, for the pure tummy tuck idea. But I figure if I'm getting new boobs it would be nice to have some that will be forever perky and require no bra!

My attitude was that they've done their job, so I won't miss them. But I think I will. My boobs, frankly, have been a big part of my life (pun somewhat intended). We're done having kids, so I know I won't miss out on breastfeeding a baby, but its sad that my "girls" who endured mastitis, plugged ducts, cracked nipples, and a deal-breaking bite will be medical waste. I now wonder what I will look like without them - even with reconstruction. For one thing, I'm pretty balanced now - I've got big hips and a butt, but the big chest to go with them. I will go from hourglass to pear.

I also realize now (from research) that they will be numb. Always. That's sad.

I laid awake last night, wondering if I had implants if I could sleep on my stomach. I'm a serious stomach sleeper, and luckily, morning research shows that after they are healed, yes I can. Whew.

So, 2 days until the u/s. I'll demand a biopsy, regardless of results of that, but it may give us more reason to worry or breathe easy.