Its a lump, its a lump its a lump, lump, lump . . .

Yes, on my left breast. 2 o'clock, if you must know.

I went in for my annual pap, and the doctor found it. Now, I'm not good about or at self exams. I've got generally lumpy breasts so if I ran in for everything that felt like a lump I'd be there constantly. Well, now I know what a lump feels like. Mine is decent sized, 2cm. Doctor says it may be a cyst, I've had a mammogram that showed nothing, and go in for an ultrasound next Tuesday. Believe you me, I will have every test available until they can tell me with absolute certainty I do not have breast cancer. Or do.

My mother had breast cancer at 69. Two types were found at once - only one showed up on the mammogram. I'll save her story for another day, but one thing I found amazing then was that she was very calm about it. I'd seen her have a worse reaction to an infected cuticle. She told me that she just knew she was going to be fine.

Now I get it, because I, too, calmly believe that everything is going to be fine. And I'm saying that with the full assumption that I HAVE breast cancer, because until they tell me I do not, that's what I believe. But yes - I feel its going to be fine.

If I do have it, I plan to be extremely aggressive in treatment - lop 'em off. Both of them. Why? One, I'll always think I have it if they don't, and two, I wouldn't mind having a matched pair of perky B cups until I'm 90. (I'm a D, and never need to be this big). I mean, they've done their job - attracted men, and fed 2 babies for over a year each. I can live without them now.

I've told only 3 people - 2 best girlfriends and Steve. And I waited a while on that. I've been doing research, found the doctor I'll see at Northwestern if it comes to it, etc.

All right, more as it happens.